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It wasn't my fault, blame it on the asphalt." On this particular flight, the airline pilot noted that he had "hammered the plane a little hard on the runway." The airline policy was that he had to stand at the exit and apologize to each passenger getting off the plane, saying, "Thank you for flying XYZ airlines and sorry for the rough landing." All the passengers had gotten off the plane, except for one little old lady, walking with a cane and wearing a hearing aid.She proceeded to walk up to the pilot and and said, "Do you mind if I ask a question?When witness after witness came to the stand testifying to all sorts of horrible threats that the accused threatened his wife and things were looking quite dim for the accused the man’s lawyer got up to the stand. “It is true that we all turned towards the door,” one old lady explained, “but there was person who didn’t.” A man hears from a doctor that his end is near so he heads over to a lawyer to write a will. I asked him to help me write a will and he says to me: ‘sure, let me just ask you a few questions and then leave it all to me.’ “I’ve heard before how lawyers are dishonest but this just takes the cake! “We both know you’re not the brightest spark here, Simon,” he said, “but over the last 5 years you’ve never been sick or late and I think you deserve a reward. After seeing the dresses she was so excited about the polka dot design that she wanted to purchase all 400 dresses on the spot.

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I've collected tons of funny jokes for your entertainment.

On average the amount people can hold their breath is around one minute.

Smashing that time to achieve an astounding 21 minutes 29 seconds was Hungarian escape artist David Merlini, who achieved a world record on April 26 2009 for holding his breath underwater Upon landing hard, the pilot got on the PA system, "Sorry, folks for the hard landing.

Bob Smith was sick of his job and was determined to find work elsewhere. Do you happen to have his new number.” “Sure thing! Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. Sam and Thomas had been business partners for the past 50 years.

But no matter how hard he tried, his reputation as someone who was not dedicated to the job, seemed to follow him around. Although Bob did not usually pick up the phone, he picked it up and said hello. ” The woman cheerfully replied, listing off his new number. – Submitted by Anything Goes Humor Ebook For a couple of years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I’m tired because I’m overworked. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. They were in the wholesale clothing business and lately business was not as glorious as it had been.